


Setsunai

by OceanPalace



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Character Study (Sort-of), Comfort, Crushes, Hurt/Comfort, Introspection, Komahina Secret Exchange, M/M, Melancholy, Post-Canon, Recovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-27
Updated: 2020-01-27
Packaged: 2021-02-27 03:47:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22430545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OceanPalace/pseuds/OceanPalace
Summary: As Hinata approaches his classmate amidst the biting cold of an autumn day, he wonders what awaits him, and what he's left behind.--Written for the Komahina Exchange 2019-2020 (Winter) for Entraptantrum (Tumblr)
Relationships: Hinata Hajime/Komaeda Nagito
Comments: 7
Kudos: 109





	Setsunai

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TeaPunkin707](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TeaPunkin707/gifts).



> greetings! i won't ramble for long - sorry if this is a little boring! it's mostly that i haven't written in months + i also sort of forgot this was sitting around on my computer and wasn't posted. :] better late than never, so i hope you all enjoy anyway (especially to you, my recipient)! please follow them at @entraptantrum on tumblr!! <3

Hajime Hinata thought, on that fall day, that some things never really changed.

All the while knowing, as he remembered his classmates, who were not unlike broken live wires dangling helplessly over open water, that everything was _anything_ but the same.  
  
And yet…  
  
Every time he’d close his eyes, he could just faintly see the silhouetted figures of his classmates, his classmates, every motion and every day blending together like time never existed for them; acting as if they were nothing but average teenagers. Hell, by now Hinata knew that they weren’t even teenagers anymore. He’d always see the fall colours behind their silhouettes, dead leaves dancing around their figures though they looked like nothing more than a backdrop in a school play. Or maybe that was wishful thinking on his end.  
After all, it was their choice, their fault, for losing sight of themselves and giving into despair, wasn’t it? That’s what he’d always tell himself to soften the blow of reality.  
  
  
 _‘Close off your heart.’  
  
  
‘Don’t think about the past.’  
  
  
‘Just keep moving forward._’  
  
  
That’s all he was ever good for anyways. Or at least now he knows that he is.

  
A cool hand gently taps his shoulder twice. Komaeda, he figured from the touch alone. No one else had hands as cold as his.  
  
“Hinata-san, I don’t mean to be rude by that gesture, but I really need you to pay attention for just a moment.” Sonia’s face was leaned in a mere few inches from Hinata’s face when he turned around and, undoubtedly, scaring the life out of the boy.  
It was about then that it clicked in his mind that, yes, it was a colder season now— the winter attire hadn’t come in their newest shipment, so _everyone_ had icicles for hands, and not just the guy who seemed to occupy his headspace more than he liked. Craning his neck back slightly (though not enough to be insulting), he could only try his best to compose his voice. “Sorry, yeah,” He cleared his throat and plastered a polite smile, “What— what’s the matter, then?”  
  
Sonia looked away and pressed her lips shut, hesitating on _something,_ before she finally looked back at Hinata with concern laced in her eyes. “I think… he might in the warehouse again.”  
  
 _Ah_.  
  
A cold sinking feeling dropped like lead in Hinata’s stomach. Hinata knew exactly who “he” was; he didn’t need to ask again, he didn’t even need to ask what the situation was, he simply went as fast his legs could carry him towards the fifth island, only nodding to Sonia before he pushed off the concrete.  
  
When it came to the general recovery of the islands, they were doing rather well. The trees were healing from rot and decay, and new branches were sprouting out from the body. Somewhere in the heart Hinata tried to close up, he couldn’t help but feel a sense of hope. He found it strange that he would even pay attention to something like that, but he’d be lying if he said his outlook on life as a whole didn’t change after everything that happened.  
  
Whereas in contrast to his highschool days, he wouldn’t give a damn whether one man or twenty got killed in a shooting on the news; nowadays he finds himself tiptoeing with caution even with the smallest of ant hills. It wasn’t something he talked about, there was no need to open up about something as trivial or stupid as that. Yet, no matter what he convinced himself of, being aware of the life around him, his friends, flora, fauna, whatever else is there in between… that was truly something he couldn’t deny caring about.  
  
So what was it like for everyone else, with autumn’s undeniable melancholy, to see everything dying and fading away to dust and dirt in the cold?

Or was he the only one feeling this childish?  
  
  
It was only a few moments after stepping off the bridge that he noticed a familiar green hoodie haphazardly pulled over a mop of white hair, feeling the icy weight in his stomach evaporating into thin air. But it wasn’t the warehouse, like he expected it to be, but rather—

“Ah, Hinata-kun!” A distant but cheery voice called out to him, and this time, it wasn’t a sickeningly sweet façade; it wasn’t even the condescending tone dripping with the venom he’d once heard in the past.  
Hinata padded towards the ruined administration building, faintly remembering Jabberwock Park being exactly where Komaeda now stood admiring the maple trees. Hinata could only try to smile back despite himself.

“It’s strange, isn’t it?” Komaeda spoke barely above a whisper as Hinata came to a stop beside him, both of them never breaking eye contact with the scene surrounding the them. “It feels like time has gone by so much slower, even though this is already our second autumn together.”  
  
Somehow it felt like there was a reason why Komaeda wouldn’t look back at him.

“Sonia told me that you would be at the warehouse.”

“Oh… was there an obligation to be at the warehouse?” He finally broke his gaze to look back with stormy eyes, “Or are you still wary of me?”

“I’m not—!” Hinata bit his tongue down. He didn’t want to say anything unnecessary; not now, not when he felt like… _this_. There was no reason to fight. “What are you doing here anyway? It’s far too cold out here.”  
  
“It’s fine, I think I’ve gotten used to the cold bit by bit.” Komaeda replied, “I just like spending time like this.”  
  
Hinata sighed, running a hand through his messy hair, “It’s not fine if you get a fever tomorrow. Tsumiki has medicine stored in the kitchen cabinet, but it’s not worth risking it.”  
The other boy did nothing but nonchalantly shrug, “I’d hate to be a burden on anyone, but you’re saying that as if I’m as reckless as you are.” He spoke with a slight grin that was enough to adorn his face. Or maybe it was just that seeing Komaeda happy in any sense was enough for him.  
  
A cool breeze swept through the island, silencing the two, while making a shiver run up Hinata’s spine and goosebumps line his arms; he could tell Komaeda was cold too, but somehow, more than anything, he wanted to be out here at this very moment with the one person who might understand him.

  
“Hinata-kun…” The other was the first to break the silence, “What would you say the feeling of _setsunai_ is?”

  
An abrupt question, one that Hinata had no clue how to answer as they both fell into thoughtful silence; yet, it was exactly what he needed to hear. Komaeda hesitated, opening and closing his mouth before he finally took a deep breath and spoke, “If you don’t mind me answering my own question… I think, it _feels_ like autumn itself.”  
  
Gently holding onto the leaves that were burnt orange and red, Hinata noted, was how he grounded himself as he talked – even if his already pale fingers grew deathly pale in the freezing wind.  
  
There was something that resonated in Komaeda’s words. Setsunai, at least… was a rather peculiar feeling. Something akin to nostalgia, pain, like a bittersweet note plucked in one’s heart. Watching time flow like a never-ending sandglass was all Hinata could do while the days passed, seeing the sun dipping into the horizon night after night, as the world revolved around the sun like it was a promise; though some things never changed.  
  
 _He_ never changed.  
  
He could never change, but only could watch as the world around him continued to evolve. Or rather, the world around _them_ continued to evolve. Winter lead to spring, spring lead to summer, and summer died and bled into autumn. Just like the orbiting earth, it was a promise to nature itself, that it would always come around. But it would always beg the question…

“Do you miss it? Our youth… being free from this pressure?”

Feeling his chest tighten up, Hinata gazed at Komaeda, hoping, pleading for him to understand. However ironic, considering this was the boy he distrusted the most in the past, but deep down he knew where his real feelings lay. He didn’t know why he was so desperate, but he wanted to know, just for once, if his heart resonated the same tone.  
Komaeda turned towards Hinata, shoving his hands in his pocket at long last. “I can’t say that I miss it, because we never lead the same lives.”  
Hinata held his breath and braced himself, he could never tell when the coin was flipped when it came to Komaeda; whether it was holding his hand without question or bashing him for his lack of talent, he was worryingly unpredictable. Though he continued, “I never once felt that I’d be deserving of being free but… in another life, I would long to be as ordinary as I could. I would long to be like you.”  
  
His words caught Hinata off guard, making him feel as if his lungs were being squeezed though he tried his damndest to shrug it off, “Ordinary isn’t as great as you make it out to be. Sometimes, it feels like you’re stuck. Like nothing is moving except the people around you, and sometimes…” He trailed off, hesitant.  
Komaeda’s fingertips gently touched his wrist, eliciting something like a static shock in Hinata’s chest, while the other only beamed at him, “I’m listening, but only if you want me to.”  
  
Hinata pushed back the urge to roll his eyes at that response and instead took a deep breath. “Sometimes it feels like, now those feelings I carried with me back then are affecting my friends. All of you. When I look at everyone, it feels like something’s missing. Something’s missing from our lives and I can’t even pretend that I don’t know what it is.” Hinata felt like the lead was back in his stomach, “Sometimes I just wish we could all be stupid, innocent teenagers, unafraid of losing time. I wish… I wish I didn’t have to feel afraid of change anymore.”  
  
  
 _‘Sometimes, I feel like I’m nothing but cursed.’  
  
_

_‘I don’t want to lose anyone else.’  
  
_

_‘I’m afraid of caring too much again.’_  
  
  
A low hum came from Komaeda’s chest, as he lifted a finger to the bridge of his nose, when he suddenly made a distressed expression, “Ah…” He mumbled, “I forgot my glasses in the warehouse” Sighing, he shoved his hands back into his coat pockets with a little more force than needed.  
Whiplash aside, Hinata on the other hand, did nothing but gawk with wide eyes at the other, “I’m sorry, since _when_ did you wear glasses? And _why_ are they in the warehouse?”  
  
“Well… long story short,— because I would rather die than bore you with my antics— I realized my vision was going bad because I was reading at night, or maybe it was just bad luck— anyway, I didn’t want to bother anyone, so I’ve been trying to craft a pair of glasses with the materials in the warehouse.” Komaeda smiled warmly at Hinata, “I’ve been keeping people out so they wouldn’t see how atrocious my handiwork was!”  
  
Hinata scoffed, turning his head away so he wouldn’t think about the warmth he felt from Komaeda despite the biting cold. Feeling his lips go dry from the wind, he touched the tip of his tongue on his lips before speaking, “…So, all those times in the warehouse then, they weren’t—?”  
  
Komaeda shook his head, knowing what would come next. “It wasn’t that I was feeling suicidal…” He paused, braving a glance in Hinata’s direction only to find that he held his solemn gaze to the dying trees once more, “In fact, I owe that peace of mind to you… still, those lingering feelings of throwing my life away still hold me down, so, I take solace in this withering season. It reminds me that, despite everything… I’m still alive.”  
Hinata holds his breath, listening to Komaeda as he smiles to himself, just barely brushing Hinata’s arm with his own, “I don’t know what comes after this, or if I’ll even want to be around for that but… I’ll take that I have in this moment. This peace is what I long for even if it’s temporary. This is what I want to call hope.”

Silence wrapped the two of them like a blanket, where not even the wind could over power the white noise; but, like always, this kind of silence with Komaeda was never an uncomfortable one. Even if his very existence was unpredictable, even when they were trying to numb their feelings for the other, there was always a sense of mutual understanding amidst the silences. 

“So, don’t you think we both understand what setsunai is in our own ways?” Komaeda smiled, a genuine one that even in the context of melancholy and hope overlapping each other like ocean waves, felt like a breath of fresh air.  
Both the sadness and joy intertwined of time flowing created this feeling— a chord of emotions twisting their strings into one, but it was one strong enough to create a bond between those he cared for and loved and that maybe, just maybe, that was alright for now.

  
“I don’t know. It’s still so strange… I always thought I’d be the one supporting the others in their time of need. But now that I myself feel lost in my own ways, it’s you who’s helping me.”  
  
And now Hinata was sure of it; the brushing of each others’ arms wasn’t accidental, when Komaeda leaned into him just a little more. “Hinata-kun, more than anything, I hope we both can remember that there is both good and bad in time passing, and that if you ever feel like you can’t keep up then… I hope I can be there for you too.”  
  
The swelling feeling in his chest was unbearable at those words. “Yeah, well—”  
  
“I’m glad I met you, Hinata-kun. I’m glad I’m still here with you.”  
  
He couldn’t pry away, Hinata couldn’t stop staring into Komaeda’s eyes.  
  
“I-I’m so sorry interrupted, you aren’t mad, are you?” Komaeda panicked slightly, taking the situation otherwise.

But now Komaeda could be sure of it too; that when Hinata grabbed the edges of his hood and pulled him closer, that the way their chapped lips clumsily brushed together, that they felt the exact same way.  
  
  
About their common ground when it came to change, and even their feelings.

  
Even as the leaves continued falling to the ground below them.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for stickin' around! this is a rather short fic (i blame it on burnout from college, my apologies...), but comments and kudos are, as always, highly appreciated! thank you and have a good one! :]


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